What gets in the way of two women deepening their friendship? What keeps us from initiating new female relationships? What prevents us from enjoying some of the most delicious soul food the world has to offer?
Put simply, it’s fear. But it’s sometimes hard to recognize. Often, it’s cloaked in Too, Too, Too Talk! You’ve heard that voice in your head. “She’s too accomplished…too pretty…too devoted to her family…too consumed by work…too competitive…too passive to be my friend. “
We call that voice Blanche. She’s that self-defeating nagger that feeds us lies and keeps us from experiencing the rich taste of female friendship. She’s the one that insists you’re just too busy to add another person to your already-stuffed life. She’s the epitome of self-doubt. The one that holds us back from starting a conversation with someone new. And stops us from emailing the woman we met on the airplane or texting the mother at our kids’ field trip we promised to invite for coffee.
It’s time to put Blanche in her place! When she whispers negative thoughts in your ear, call her on it. It’s not true. It’s stinkin’ thinkin’ of the very worst kind. Comparing ourselves to other women to see if we or they measure up is plain wrong. Sadly, we often size each other up before we even try on the friendship to see if there’s a fit. And, well, that’s a recipe for loneliness.
Quiet the Blanche in your head. The next time you get the big idea to reach out to a would-be friend, take an even bigger step and make it so! Blanche may get a little jealous…but who needs someone like her in our life anyway?
It’s time to end the Too, Too, Too Talk and realize that we all have way too much to lose for that!
Bye, Bye Blanche!
–Diane & Margaret