Nourishing Your Friendships

November 2, 2014

By Diane Gage Lofgren and Margaret Bhola

As we are asked to speak about the premises of our book: how to make and keep friends, how to identify the qualities you want in a friend, and how not to put off to tomorrow what you can have today, women rally. They evaluate what they want when it comes to their female friendships and rethink habits or patterns that may not be working in their favor.

Margaret & Diane speaking at USC's Women's Conference

Margaret & Diane speaking at USC’s Women’s Conference

After we spoke to the University of Southern California Women’s Conference, many women approached us saying that our message encouraged them to take time to reconnect with their friends. Each women had a story…about a friend they longed to see, how they wanted to be sure they no longer put time with friends behind other commitments, and their deep desire to have fun!

We heard that women wanted to make new pledges to their current friends…to show up, call more often, plan get-togethers, and not keep score on who does what or who does more. What women remember from our talks is that female friendships are precious. Spending time with a friend revitalizes us. A good friend helps us remember who we are and what is really important in our lives. Friends, longtime or new, give us a perspective we can’t always get on our own.

Sometimes it’s only when we lose touch or let a disagreement or oversight cast a shadow over an important relationship that we stop and take stock of whether or not we have women in our lives we want to grow old with.

It’s a good reminder! Once we embark on a friendship, we need to nourish it to be sustainable. If we aren’t doing that, it’s important to ask ourselves, “What’s so important that I’m not reaching out? Making plans? Offering amends?” If you can, name the barrier, look it in the eye, and then try like heck to move beyond the obstacle. That may entail calling or emailing an estranged friend and being willing to have an uncomfortable conversation to uncover the rub. Or, perhaps you can ask her to join you to do something meaningful to ensure that your friendship future is secure. Once renewed, treat your friendship as a wonderful living things that flourishes when made a priority. We find that when women focus on intentional female friendships miracles occur!

We would consider it a privilege to speak on the value of intentional female friendship at an upcoming women’s event. Email us at

Thank you in advance for considering us!

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